Day 209 – Facing Fear
Fear has ruled the majority of my life, from spiders to flying to simply going into an unknown shop to ask if I can use the toilet because there are none nearby. Fear has enabled me to question everything about myself no matter who I had at my side championing me.
Fear has tried to show me that I’ve needed to work on building up my plummeting self-esteem, but it’s taken until my 30s to finally listen.
Fear has cause me to run away, to get angry, to cry and simply to give up. I never understood that it didn’t define me in the way I believed it did. I used to think of myself as a scaredy-cat living a safe life that was nowhere near to my dreams as I hoped it would be.
Now, with the lessons I’ve learned so far, I understand that I have to respect the role fear plays in my life. I have to be willing to embody the fear when it arises, to look at it and understand that it’s showing up to teach me something I still haven’t yet learned. I won’t say that it’s easy to step back and see fear for what it is every time, but I’m getting closer.
Sometimes my fear of fear keeps me from looking directly at it. Other times it’s the anger and tears that take me farther into my fear than I have the ability to easily remove myself from.
I know now, however, that the more I run away from this strong emotion that often rules my life the less likely I am to ever reach my goals and dreams.
We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us. – Joseph Campbell
This is the life that is waiting for me on Sunday night. There will be a plane with open hatches, ready to swallow me up and fly me to the life I have been dreaming of for a while now. The question is, will my fear of flying start me off on the wrong foot?
With mindfulness I hope not. I have my mantras that I can repeat and I can remember every time I’ve been in my car here in Oman when someone and their crazy driving has nearly killed me. That’s perspective for flying.
So as I get ready to take to the skies in the next few days my emotional stability will all depend on whether I can feel how emotions are playing themselves out in my body. It will depend on whether I can be mindful of my emotions and look fear straight in the eyes whenever it arises. It will also be about continuing on my journey with Mondo Beyondo, which is already helping me to dream bigger for myself, and allowing me to accept that although I may be scared stiff many a time in the next few months, I already have everything I need to begin this new journey.
- Spare Change: Mondo Beyondo Edition (getrichslowly.org)
- Day 184 – The Mirrors of Our Emotions (ayearoflivingwisely.wordpress.com)
- Day 189 – Planning for Compassion (ayearoflivingwisely.wordpress.com)
- Coping with a fear of flying: the secret rituals of aviophobics (gadling.com)
- How to Let Go of Difficult Emotions (mindful-at-work.com)
- Fear of Flying (barbarasinclair.com)