Day 306 – Sitting Again

Posted by ayearoflivingwisely on January 25, 2012 · 5 Comments 

Zencast 303 – The Sattipatthana Sutta

Phew! I’m sitting again. It’s the Jivamukti that did it. You can’t spend a weekend meditating for at least 20 minutes every three hours and then go home unable to meditate. At least I can’t.

It helped that Brent, my teacher, gave us mantras to focus on in meditation and I realized I had been fighting with myself this whole time because I felt I wasn’t ‘doing it right’ if I used a mantra. Yet, I didn’t want to sit and count my breath. I also didn’t want to sit and study the sensations I was feeling in my body as a way of staying present. So, I used these excuses as a reason to not sit. And I didn’t sit. For. A. Long. Time.

Yet, I missed sitting. I could feel it in my tense shoulders, which took a fair beating doing shoulder stand after head stand after some arm balance stand I forget the name of. I could also feel it in my restricted heart. I felt closed off to those around me. I was often crabby and more often than not unable to get out of the cyclical negative thoughts about others that would enter my mind and take control.

I hadn’t felt this way for quite a while, or at least for as long as I had been meditating before I moved back to the US. I was quick to realize I didn’t like this reversal of history and that it was really easy for me to make the change and try to open myself up again. I just simply had to sit.

So, I have. I have sat now since Friday, every morning when I first wake up. It helps, of course, that I don’t have a job to go to. I can now take the time to sit before exercising or showering or whatever the morning (or afternoon – oops!) dictates.

I sit up on my pillows. I chant ‘om’, then ‘loka samasta sukhino bhavantu’, and then sing the English translation. When I’m done I set my timer for 10 minutes (yes – 10 minutes – I can’t believe it myself) and the little buzzer that goes off after those 10 not-so-long minutes freaks me out every time. (Note: I had been failing at sitting for 2 minutes when my meditation got really intolerable before moving.)

At some point in the past weekend, I realized that in the spirit of strengthening my compassion muscle, reciting Metta meditation would enable me to sit on the cushion concentrating for at least 5 minutes (depending on how long it takes for me to get through it), and that after that I would feel much more comfortable sitting and watching my thoughts. Sometimes, if I’m particularly antsy I have continued by chanting ‘let go’, which is a chant my teacher gave us that really helps me to relax and let go of all my crazy thoughts. But if I’m feeling up to it I can just sitting and be the watcher.

Of course, I’m only on day 6 at this point, so I’d hardly say that meditation is a practice I won’t easily give up. Yet, with the tools in hand that I need to stay on the cushion I don’t see why I can’t make it to that 30 day mark when effort turns into habit.

But I guess that remains to be seen…

Namaste

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Related articles

• The Threefold Purity (chakralivingroomaz.com)
• Relaxing with the Truth (chakralivingroomaz.com)
• The Power of Song, Chants and Mantras by Deva Premal and Miten (magneticwind.com)

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Filed under acceptance, Beginner's Mind, Buddhism, change, compassion, loving kindness, meditation, practice · Tagged with improvement, Jivamukti, Mantra, meditation, Mettā