Day 359 – Just Nothing
Zencast 356 – The Perfume of Dharma
For the first time on this year-long journey I have nothing to say. Nothing to share. Nothing to remark on. Nothing that I haven’t already explained, complained or exalted on these pages.
I can’t even listen to the Zencast for inspiration. I tried, but Jack Kornfield’s voice fluttered in and out of my awareness.
I’m not really here I guess. Am I already flying away?
I normally find that when I’m groundless in life I find solid ground in this blog, but I tend to get this way at the end of things. I pull away, as a means of protecting myself.
I’m not sure if I’m doing that now. I feel pretty numb this evening, although if you’d been with me about an hour ago, that statement would make you laugh.
I really don’t know what’s going on. There’s nothing. Just nothing.
May tomorrow bring more of whatever we all need.
Namaste
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Nice running into you the other day. I really enjoy your blog and admire you for keeping with it. There’s a book called Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert that you might find interesting. It’s a psychology book about our expectations of happiness and how we all measure it differently. Maybe it could inspire you or give a new perspective. Anyway, congratulations on seeing the blog through to the end.
Hey Matthew! It was great running into you and thanks for the tip about the book. I bet I would enjoy that
Thanks for reading. I’m sure I”ll feel a bit lost when I no longer ‘have to’ blog everyday, but I’ve enjoyed the journey and glad it’s coming to an end. I know you appreciate sticking with a project to completion! Can’t wait to see that happen in both our cases.
You feel empty? Congratulations. That is awareness of emptiness. Numb? Ah, no, not so good. Feed your heart with love. You’ll feel again. Maybe you’re medicating pain with numbness? I can’t know.
Those seeds of all experiences are beyond your ability to squash them, even unconsciously. So never give up hope; there is just a path, there is no desperation or loss. Feed what you want to have and it will come back. This is the magic land of your soul!
I must want chaos and disruption. That’s all I seem to have today, yet I am grateful someone near me understands when I look at him in the eye in the middle of the chaos erupting and say quietly:
aum.
namaste,
Steve
I think I’m confusing numbness with the watcher…anyway…more of this to come in an email. I promise
I’ve been having a few days like that myself. I thought perhaps it was due to a change of diet (I am re-introducing dairy and gluten after a 5 year break due to allergies). I’m not sure though. But I totally get where you are coming from. I am quite numb at the moment also.
Honestly, I know exactly what is going on with me right now…but it’s not something I can really divulge to my readers…:) But it doesn’t lessen the difficulty of the moment even though I know it will pass and I can feel it lifting little by little. Interesting that you have reintroduced diary and gluten. I hope that doesn’t cause you problems. I gave up trying to reintroduce dairy by becoming vegan, but to be honest I just can’t do it after 33 years of eating the stuff. My body just repels it. I hope it works for you though. Sorry to hear you too are feeling the way I am. Mind you, I think I sometimes confuse numbness with the ability to sit back a little more and watch my inner emotional turmoil play itself out without reacting. When I’ve been numb in the past it has also come with apathy, and I am anything but apathetic right now. Over whelmed and trying not to let that overtake my life, but not apathetic. I hope you find some relief from what you’re feeling or that you can at least find peace with it by sitting with it and examining it. Take care my friend _/\_