Day 173 – Confidence
I take refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha.
I believe in the Five Precepts.
I follow the Eight Fold Path as best I can.
I have great teachers whose teachings never fail to inspire me daily.
I have a wonderful online Sangha who constantly push me to do better, be better and write better about my practice.
I am constantly bombarded by interconnection through my online presence with people struggling to prevent suffering just as I am.
I have confidence in my practice.
I notice the improvements in my life from daily mindfulness and meditation (okay, maybe not daily) practice.
I can’t believe how much I’ve changed for the better in the years that I have been practicing (on and off).
I have confidence that the path is life long and therefore full of stumbling blocks and periods of deep questioning.
I have confidence that many of the answers I seek will not be answered soon.
I have confidence that even if it takes me my whole life to find the answers I’m looking for my practice is still beneficial to me.
I have confidence that even if I never get any of the answers I’m looking for in this lifetime my practice is still beneficial to me.
I have confidence that this is the path I’ve been looking for all my life and I have confidence that I’ve found it.
Why then, with all this confidence, faith, belief and certainty do I find any excuse under the sun not to sit? Why is meditation the last scribbled note on my priority list of things ‘to do’ in a day filled with the requests and priorities of others? Why, with all the benefits I see in my life so far, do I sweep them under the rug and become lackadaisical about reaping further benefits through continuous cultivated practice?
Am I lazy? Is there a lack of confidence that is subconscious and therefore one I don’t realize exists? Or is it simply that I don’t value myself enough to make me the priority, to make my practice the priority, to make my happiness and suffering a priority? Am I so used to following the priorities of others after years of shoving down and blowing off my own Buddha Nature that it’s difficult not to enter that mindless automatic pilot again?
I don’t have any answers.
A lot of questions are coming up right now.
I guess this is another step in the practice.
The question is whether or not I have the confidence to examine these questions, take action and believe that I will get through this period of questioning and still practice on the other side.
That is real confidence and I guess only time will tell.
Here’s someone who died for their confidence. May he rest in peace and nirvana.
Here’s a family that seek a lot of confidence today as their baby Grace goes in for heart surgery. Prayers are with you today Grace. (Drop A Love Bomb is a great way of showing the world confidence in the love we have for each other as humans.)
- The DailyZen Journal for Aug. 11th – Wake-up Sermon (witchesofthecraft.wordpress.com)
- Day 126 – Before realization we practice. After realization we practice. (ayearoflivingwisely.wordpress.com)
- The Dark Side of Attachment (reflectionofabuddhistmonk.com)
- Realizing Genjokoan pt 2 (zenfant.wordpress.com)