Day 205 – Changes
As I’m sure you’ve noticed, today marks my 205th day of living wisely.
I can hardly believe that so much time has passed. It seems like just yesterday that I sat wondering if I was brave enough to start this project. I had been mulling it over for quite a while when the title for the blog popped into my head and something within me told me that it was time.
It’s no mean feat writing everyday and I have to admit that there’s many a time I didn’t want to sit down and write anything. Some days I was simply left blank after listening to a podcast and wondered what to do. But then something would always come up in life or online that fit with the theme and I did my best to work around those serendipitous opportunities.
It’s still rather premature to write an overview of my practice in the last 7 months, but it’s all I can think of to write today so I’m taking refuge in the changes.
These are the changes I’ve seen in myself since February:
A level of contentment with my life no matter the circumstances that I never would have believed possible.
Infinitely more patience with myself.
The ability to use mantras as a coping technique in difficult situations or when I’d rather beat myself up to feel more pain that sit down with the pain and have an honest conversation.
A more upbeat, happy outlook on my current circumstances.
Mindful awareness almost all the time (although there are still a lot of unconscious, reactive, conditioned responses acted out at the same time).
Slower reaction times – I don’t jump to the gun as quickly anymore.
More active listening.
Bravery to believe in myself and my work.
The ability to follow the path of my dreams.
Less attachment to stuff.
I can easily write everyday and am rarely without ideas for an article/ script/ blog post.
Now for the flip side…
These are the changes I haven’t seen in myself yet, but that I’m hoping will take place in the second half of my ‘year':
A decrease in the swearing and venting that takes place in my car whenever I drive anywhere.
A disciplined meditation practice that I stick to.
Being able to remain mindful and non-responsive to situations with people who are great at dumping their emotion on others or drawing me into their emotion.
All encompassing tolerance to difficult people who have done something to hurt me.
A decrease in the number of times I speak over others or find it hard to wait my turn to speak.
Non-judgement regarding how other people are acting and why. Right now I psychoanalyst everything to death mainly because I’m trying to figure out why I act in certain ways, and why seeing other people act in those ways makes me crazy.
The ability to stay focused on my dreams when I get worried about money.
The ability to let go of my stuff as easily as I would like.
The ability to prevent my heart contracting away from people who don’t act the way I want them to act.
Of course this year is still a work in process that will continue on until February next year. Then who knows…
One change that I’m so grateful for is having all of you following along on my journey. I am most appreciative of the online Sangha that has grown here. You never fail to amaze me with your comments and insight! This is the one thing that I will cherish from this experiment, even if it only lasts for the year. It is an honor and blessing to have met you all in the cloud, and to be able to discuss and read each others stories. You have given me faith in the human race again, when once I wondered if all was lost…
May you all be blessed in all your actions this weekend, whether mindful or not.