Day 332 – Doubting the End

The End

Zencast 329 – Four Noble Truths – Part 2

Dear one, I am really here for you.” – Thich Nhat HanhYou Are Here

I’m sitting with myself, my tender heart, my bruised ego. I’m sitting talking myself down off the writing ledge where I give up everything and forget my dreams.

I took a risk. I started testing my concepts on others because that’s what my new course assigned me for this week. I thought it would be easy. I felt like my ideas were golden, that they would be loved and understood and bought up in an instant.

Instead, I got confused looks, questions about the ideas, requests to repeat those ideas and general non-excitement.

I guess I’m not so bothered that the ideas weren’t as warmly received as I’d hoped they would be, and more freaked out about the question in my mind as to whether I can really think up an idea that’s good enough to get me paid. What if my dreams are just that – dreams. What if I can write to a certain level, but I’ve already hit that level. What if… what if… what if…

I know what I need to do. I need to go back to my ideas, pick out the best bits and keep working on them. I need to keep rewriting, rethinking, reworking. I need to pick up the pieces of my heart and mind and keep on keeping on.

I also need to be tender with myself, to hold my heart near and dear, to pat my ego on the back and tell it nice things for a little while. I need to take a moment and grieve the loss of my movie Samsara until I get fed up enough to just start hitting those keys again.

It’s not easy to begin again, it’s not easy to pick up the pieces, but what’s the point in starting if you’re not going to at least try to finish?

And finish I shall…



4 Responses to “Day 332 – Doubting the End”
Check out what others are saying...
  1. […] Day 332 – Doubting the End ( […]

  2. […] Day 332 – Doubting the End ( […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,040 other followers

%d bloggers like this: