Day 360 – Restraint
I’m definitely holding back right now. I won’t let myself get too happy. I try not to let myself get too sad. I’m figuring out how to maneuver through this new space in which I have no job and nothing yet on the horizon. I’m counting my pennies, wondering how I’ll get by. I’m making sure I use absolutely everything I can in my fridge before I go shopping again. Yet, I’m not hopeless or depressed about what is yet to come.
I couldn’t sleep last night so I got up and did Tarot and I-Ching. I asked several questions, mostly questions about the things that have been bothering me lately. Interestingly enough, the answers that I got in reply perfectly fit my life and the things I’ve been feeling lately.
The cards told me that if I continue down this path of obsessing and stressing and worrying then nothing good would come of it. They told me that if I took my life into my own hands and lived it then the outlook would be favorable. They told me to take care of the people around me, to love them and make sure I’m not taking them for granted. They told me to fall in love with myself, with my dreams and hopes for the future and that life would fall into place around me if I simply let it.
I can’t say I did the best job of embodying that ideal today. I still held back. I became the watcher, watching my ego want to take control of the situation and freak out. However, I did my best and I managed to get some writing done as well. A much better day for me compared to what’s been going on this last week.
On the upside: a new possibility fell into my lap. A puppy wandered into my brother’s garden today. It has no collar and seems undernourished. He sent me two photos and called me asking if I wanted a dog. To be honest, I’m not sure. On the one hand, I think a dog would be good for me. It would be a bit of companionship, safety and I love walking so, it would be great exercise too. I know having a dog can’t hurt, even though it can be hard work, and I’m a sucker for abandoned animals, but there’s still that worry at the back of my mind about what to do when I move. Could I/ would I want to take the dog with me? How would my cat react when I finally ship him back to the States? Having a dog is a lifelong responsibility, not just a fanciful gift for a week or two, and who’s to say my cat would get along with this dog?
I need to take some time and think about this. As it is I have no money right now to feed this dog or take it to the vet to get it checked out. But something tells me I need to open my heart to this being that has been abandoned. I need to open myself up to loving again. Like Kute Blackson reminded me on Facebook today:
Your life assignment is to be love. Be what you really are. It’s not your homework but your life work!
I guess I’ll keep you posted. I have a feeling, though, that right now the universe is prescribing a little bit of puppy love and who am I to say no to the universe?