Day 363 – Harnessing Resistance
As this project comes to a close things are coming full circle. Not only have I experienced death in the last couple of days (and during the last few days of this project), but I have renewed my life by harnessing resistance.
I read The War of Art from start to finish on Sunday after burying Chloe (I miss you, Chloe). I had previously started reading it, but then resistance caused me to put it down and forget about it for a little while. I guess the timing for that book needed to be just right.
After reading the book, I realized that all the emotional turmoil I’ve been going through lately, while justified in many ways, was simply just resistance keeping me from my true calling – that of sitting down to write. I realized that if I simply sat down in the morning and got my writing done by lunch time I’d be a lot happier and more able to deal with the emotional highs and lows that come my way. Writing wouldn’t just be another one of those things that cause me to get down and depressed about the state of my life right now.
So, like I’ve been doing with meditation for the last few weeks, I sat down at 8am and wrote until 12:30. I made a plan of what I would accomplish. I gave myself half hour goals with several different projects, and only one was not touched – that of starting the ebook that will be the result of this blog.
I could, of course, have spent the rest of today writing and applying for jobs after I got myself on a roll, but I figured that life is a marathon, not a sprint, and that my time would be better spent getting other things done that I normally use as my excuses for why I can’t write.
Thankfully, having my writing out of the way early, I ended up having time to not only clean the house and bake cookies, but also to practice yoga after a couple of months of doing no exercise that wasn’t work related.
And it felt great. I felt a great sigh of relief roll over me having figured out that I just need to sit and follow my life’s purpose – that of writing – in order to come back to myself and be true to what I want out of life.
While it may not seem like a revelation for other people, this simple act of recognizing my resistance and sitting down to write anyway is revolutionary for me. I now understand why for so many years I was so painfully unhappy. I now understand why I was such a great procrastinator. I now understand that the simple act of sitting down with a pen and some paper can turn my life around when all seems lost.
It may be crazy, but it’s true.
It’s also perfect timing for my new blogging project – Committed to Failure – which I will start this week, blogging every week for a year (maybe two) as I work towards my goal of having one of my scripts bought and produced.
I can’t believe it took me so long to figure resistance out. I can’t believe it took me so long to realize that discipline is no harder than simply sitting down and doing the work. I can’t believe I didn’t do this for so long.
And on that note, I’m off to bed because I have a 8am date with a pen and paper and it’s getting pretty late.
May you sleep well this evening!